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Fic: The Moves, or Kurt and Blaine's First Time

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Jan. 29th, 2011 | 01:18 am

Title: The Moves, or Kurt and Blaine's First Time
Artist: heartsasmagnets
Rating: R
Word Count: ~700
Summary: Angst! Kurt struggles emotionally in the aftermath of having sex with Blaine way, way too soon.
Notes: I never, ever, EVER write angst. Pretty sure I have Aunt Flo to blame for this. Thanks to  colfer  for some advice/beta-ing.

 

He should be happy. He's in bed, skin against bare skin, with the guy he's been pining over for months now, having just partaken in way, way too much wine and (arguably) the most intimate act two people can engage in.

He should be fucking ecstatic.

But it shouldn't have happened this way, all hands and no heart; just a blur of grabbing and pulling and nipping and thrusting with no promise of anything beyond the next second. No, not for their first time. The thin, pallid yellow sheet covering him cannot hide the shame he feels; nor can it masque the regret that's currently eating its way out from deep inside him.

Though his partner is already fast asleep, Kurt's mind is still racing and there's no way he could possibly sleep here. Now.

He shouldn't have allowed the drunken advances, but he'd been delighted that Blaine was finally making moves, moves that were very real and not imaginary like those he regularly day-dreamed. They hadn't so much as kissed or even held hands until now. But while these moves were really, physically happening, they were completely wrong. They weren't the tender or carefully deliberated moves he'd imagined in all those dreams. They were forceful and shockingly selfish.

He should have ended it after the first rough kiss, while his brain was still in control, but then those hands started touching him in places he'd never been touched before and it was overwhelming and basically everything he needed. Except that it wasn't everything. It wasn't enough.  He ached to hear his name murmured  slow across those lips, instead of the love-less 'take off your clothes' growled into his ear as they slammed down on the bed.

But at that point, there was no turning back. His body had dominated his mind and no amount of logic or need for genuine emotion could overpower their animalistic desires. They both wanted it, badly. And even though it was far from perfect, Kurt took it – and encouraged it even, he realizes now.

He's wanted so desperately to be close to Blaine, to be with Blaine in every sense of the phrase, that – in the moment – he was a willing participant. But cloudy judgment doesn't stay that way forever, and now he's facing the sober reality of his decisions.

The only glimmer of hope he can find is that alcohol doesn't create emotions, it only amplifies them. Having been far drunker than Kurt, he knows Blaine will most certainly regret his actions as well. He's always taken great care to protect him. He'd be devastated if he knew the turmoil that he – they – had caused to twist inside his chest.

He has to hope that sobriety and the light of day will bring about a real conversation. And maybe, just maybe, Blaine will admit that he wants more than a quick fuck. Maybe he'll apologize and whisper all the words Kurt has wanted to hear for all these months. I love you. You're beautiful. I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it. All the words he should have said tonight.

He feels Blaine take an extra deep breath and stir in his sleep. His hand reaches out and finds Kurt's hip bone. His hand rests there a moment before investigating its new location.

"You're still here," Blaine murmurs.

Kurt is turned away from him, unable to see if the look on his face has changed in any way at this discovery, but Blaine's tone is the greatest encouragement yet. It's not anger or fear or even confusion - well, maybe a little confusion – but mostly, it's relief.

When Blaine's hand sweeps up from his hip to his waist and pulls him in closer, all the noise in his brain dissipates and he finds he can finally close his eyes. The smallest of smiles breaks on his lips. Perhaps he will be able sleep tonight.

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Comments {23}

samwise gamgee.

(no subject)

from: colfer
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 07:29 am (UTC)
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<3333333333333333333

I am proud of you for this.

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(Deleted comment)

Anji

(no subject)

from: allmadhere
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 07:45 am (UTC)
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Oh, I'm glad it ended happy~.

I was hurting so much for Kurt.

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the_sexypancake

(no subject)

from: the_sexypancake
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 08:11 am (UTC)
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This is the first time I've read this theme in the Klaine fandom. Thank you for writing it.

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lexi

(no subject)

from: lexicon
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 08:16 am (UTC)
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oh my god my heaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart. i was getting all ready to have a big old cry and then i got to the end and smiled instead (tearily, of course). ♥!

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heartsasmagnets

(no subject)

from: heartsasmagnets
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 08:17 am (UTC)
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I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave him hopeless.

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lexi

(no subject)

from: lexicon
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 08:24 am (UTC)
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seriously. kurt/happiness is a total otp. no sad!kurt allowed (unless it leads to a happy ending).

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fanarts_series

(no subject)

from: fanarts_series
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 08:28 am (UTC)
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I was affraid by the beginning but the end is so perfect. He had his doubts but with a gesture Blaine erases its.

Thanks a lot.

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Ania

(no subject)

from: ancuru
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 09:41 am (UTC)
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Thank you so much for sharing. That was painfully beautiful and I must admit - I'm crying right now. But I'm glad you gave us sort of happy (or hopeful) ending. Kurt/happiness ftw. <3

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The voice says I'm almost out of minutes

(no subject)

from: moodymuse19
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 12:40 pm (UTC)
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Yes! Finally, a first time with angst and true teenage hormones and way too many feelings the next morning. Don't get me wrong, I love the fluffy fics that make you puke rainbows klainebows everywhere, but every once in a while, I like to read something a little bit more on the realistic side, when everything isn't picture perfect.

Still, thank you for the last three paragraphs. Angst or not, our boys deserve tone of relief and some further cuddling. XD

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shadesofblack

(no subject)

from: ooshady_girloo
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 02:24 pm (UTC)
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by reading other comments, i think we all felt Kurt's anxiety, what assume writing, i sighed at the end! lol. he went through a very logical thought process, i'm there's a silver lining in the end!

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lucie caboosie

(no subject)

from: whenidance
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 03:13 pm (UTC)
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Gah, this was beautiful, and I'm so glad for the ending, so I didnt have to bawl my eyes out in my cereal this morning.

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foxxieraveuke

(no subject)

from: foxxieraveuke
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 03:46 pm (UTC)
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Seriously started to cry after the first few paragraphs, I was so scared for poor Kurt. This was sweet, and one of my favorite 'first times' I've ever read.

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Jess

(no subject)

from: velvet_tears05
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 04:20 pm (UTC)
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This is so good. I'd never considered this kind of situation in their relationship before so it was an interesting twist. I was all "Noooo. Poor Kurt :(" until the end and then it was all okay again and Kurt was not sad. :)

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hengilas

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from: hengilas
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 05:38 pm (UTC)
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This was beautiful. <3

I was so worried when Blaine talked that he meant it in an annoyed way, but thank godd. haha.

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go_away_finchel

(no subject)

from: go_away_finchel
date: Jan. 29th, 2011 06:08 pm (UTC)
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i really liked this - would you ever consider writing the morning after? i think it would be really interesting.

you are a wonderful writer.

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verdandil

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from: verdandil
date: Jan. 30th, 2011 02:26 am (UTC)
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You really captured Kurt's feelings in that moment effectively; I was so anxious for him - and then, relieved upon reading the ending. The last part, where Blaine says "You're still here", is beautiful - I like the subtlety of that line, how it contains in itself so many unspoken thoughts, how meaningful it is.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

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caroline_shea

(no subject)

from: caroline_shea
date: Jan. 30th, 2011 05:25 am (UTC)
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This was just.... ohmygoodness. When I got to the last three paragraphs, I let out this huge breath I hadn't even known I was holding.

Beautifully written and SO affecting.

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heartsasmagnets

(no subject)

from: heartsasmagnets
date: Jan. 30th, 2011 07:50 am (UTC)
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This is a huge compliment coming from you. Wow. Thank you.

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winged_entity

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from: winged_entity
date: Jan. 30th, 2011 06:46 am (UTC)
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Perfect. Absolutely freakin' perfect.

It's rare to find after-sex fics that really study the huge whirlwind of resulting emotion, and I'm so so glad that you wrote a fic that covered that so beautifully.

And the line "You're still here" just did it for me. I ended up getting all sniffly. D:

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mod_squad7117

(no subject)

from: mod_squad7117
date: Jan. 30th, 2011 01:56 pm (UTC)
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This hurts in all the right ways. I love how your angst, like your fluff, is quiet, subdued and understated--and still carries the emotional force of a cataclysm. This feels like your fluff inverted: a world ending in ice instead of fire; a swallowed scream; something irrevocably changed in the space of one moment and the next. You capture so well in kurts thinking that there's no going back and then draw out that horrible moment of being unable to go forward. That terrifying realizing that he is complicit is made so wonderfully through your shifting betwen "he" and "they. And all the punctuated "here" and "now"s are brilliant. So, that opening line where he knows he'll not be able to sleep in that bed and yet can't leave is perfection. I love all the things you make those lines do! 

Of course I'm infinitely glad you gave them a happy ending. But it's the promisary chords you sound that give me chills more than the immediate relief of Blaine being glad kurt's still there. It's the hoping with Kurt for the daylight, the apology and Kurt taking some of the responsibility for "them" even as blaine tries to shoulder it all (ok,so, your version of these boys run rampant in my head; they refuse to stop acting just because to you've stopped writing)

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heartsasmagnets

(no subject)

from: heartsasmagnets
date: Jan. 30th, 2011 08:38 pm (UTC)
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I could not write hopeless angst for them. I had to at least provide a glimmer of hope.

It's the hoping with Kurt for the daylight, the apology and Kurt taking some of the responsibility for "them" even as Blaine tries to shoulder it all (ok, so, your version of these boys run rampant in my head; they refuse to stop acting just because to you've stopped writing)

And that is exactly what would/will happen. (And I'm honored that they still run around in your head even after you stop reading.)

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chambergambit

(no subject)

from: chambergambit
date: Feb. 8th, 2011 03:41 pm (UTC)
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I'm kind of late to the party, as I came here from the link you provided on the sequel, but, but....

I was like
Photobucket

Until the end when I saw that glimmer of hope.

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